Category: healing

Glimpses of Her

On By kelleydgardnerIn Faith, freedom, healing, hope, Jesus, Love, Truth, WoundsLeave a comment

 I keep getting glimpses of this girl…she looks so familiar yet so foreign all at the same time.  This girl is a much younger version of me…she is me…or rather a shell of me.  I recognize her, and I remember the instances and the pain and for a very brief second, I feel the shame.  The shame only lasts a second now because I know that Jesus shamed shame on the cross.  This girl I see isn’t me…she is a very lost and confused version of me.  I ran for so many years…running away from pain and hurts all while creating more pain and hurts.  I hate that I wasted so much of my life.  I wonder how it would have turned out if I had only known the Truth.  I know that God uses all harm together for good for those that are called according to His purpose, so those years truly were not a waste.  They taught me empathy for others.  They taught me not to judge.  They taught me that we are all victims of something.  Ultimately, they taught me my worth.  They taught me not to settle for less than my worth.  They taught me that I am the daughter of God…I am cherished, adored and loved.  

I am very comfortable in my skin today, and I love who God made me to be.  I love living in the truth of who I am.  There is such a peace and freedom that marks your life when you realize that God is perfect, and He made you perfectly.  It doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks.  Who are they to question God’s masterpiece?

I won’t forget about this girl I see glimpses of – I’ll always recall her when I see others struggling and walking down the same path.  May God always give me eyes to see and a heart to nudge other women with the truth so they will also know that they are a perfect masterpiece – loved, cherished and adored!!

Peace Amidst the Storms

On By kelleydgardnerIn Faith, freedom, healing, hope, Jesus, Love, romance, TruthLeave a comment

I think it’s a safe assumption to say that life has been a bit hard for all over the past couple of years. We have experienced brand new upheaval as a country, as families and as individuals. Havoc has certainly been wreaked on all of our hearts in some form or another. I say this with breath that is bated, but it certainly feels like we are all coming up for air now…not just any air…but fresh, exhilarating air. It’s like this new freshness is reuniting our hearts as a country and as families. The media would have us believe otherwise, but in my heart I know we all want the core fundamental things in life – important things like love and unity, laughter and joy, health and wholeness. We really just want others to walk with us, understand us and empathize with where we are on our individual walks with loving kindness – even if we have a difference of opinions. These opinions and thoughts we all have are a gift from God. We are all uniquely wired and uniquely shaped based on our life experiences, but ultimately, we are commanded to love each other…certainly harder sometimes (and for some folks more than others).This week in the midst of the chaos of my life – chaos meaning the hustle and bustle of everyday living and all that is thrown at me professionally and personally, I had one of those profound moments in the busyness of my day – actually while I was driving…where I felt completely still for a moment, and all I could see surrounding me (like I was the center of the sun and around me was nothing but warmth and love). Jesus popped into my car, into my head and most importantly, into my heart. In that circle surrounding me, I felt so much warmth, so much peace and so much love. It was amazing and was the perfect touch from this Great Love of mine! He jumped in and filled up everything Satan has been depleting in my heart.

I’m so thankful for Jesus – not because He promises me things through His word – but mainly because He is my promise. He is constant. His love is constant…like a circular motion surrounding my chaos always. I love that Jesus gives us the desires of our hearts, but truthfully, Jesus is the desire of my heart! With Him I have EVERYTHING!

Mid-Life Crisis

On By kelleydgardnerIn Faith, freedom, healing, hope, Jesus, Love, Truth, WoundsLeave a comment

This title kind of makes me giggle, yet I’m very serious about the topic…I’m 49 – I will definitely have a long life if I’m mid-life right now (and I hope I do).

I haven’t struggled with any age in the past – I’ve embraced each decade with vigor and an appreciation for my wisdom. For some reason 49 has really bothered me. I wondered if 50 might bother me, and I’ll let you know when I get there…but I never expected to feel this way at 49.

I’m not having a mid-life crisis in the normal sense….or maybe it is only men that buy sports cars…I did color my hair platinum blonde a year+ ago (not my best idea)…maybe that was part of this crisis…

In all seriousness – my crisis is more about feeling like my life hasn’t had meaning and purpose. I know I have a God given purpose, but I surely don’t feel like I’ve been progressing towards that. I’ve truly been so buried in work for the past year and several months that I have totally lost sight of my purpose…mainly meaning I haven’t had the emotional bandwidth to write or pray like I should…I haven’t spent time with Jesus like I should….mainly because that is so emotional for me (the best kind of emotional ever), and I think subconsciously I knew if I stopped and crawled into His arms, that would be all she wrote…I couldn’t lose sight of all of my other obligations, so instead I lost sight of my first Love and myself.

I’m starting to come up for air now as the holidays approach. I have more staff to help me and more on the way, so I hope to end 49 with accomplishments that speak to my heart and point to Jesus! I’m trying to give more things to God rather than continuing to tightly grasp everything and plunge forward like a stick of dynamite is chasing me.

My heart is for ministry, and that is my long term goal and how I want my life to end. Jesus presses on my heart that the “sick need a doctor”. People that are unsaved need to know Jesus…but it doesn’t end there…that is truly the beginning of a different race – the race to know ourselves in Jesus – the race to know who we truly are underneath all of the false identities that life has thrown at us – and that we so easily picked up and carried. I want to be the one to nurture people back to health – spiritual and emotional health. I want people to be free and light and airy – to walk through this life in the glory of who God created them to be – free to fulfill their very own purpose.

I heard somewhere this week that God created each of us with something that is unique to only Him and us – that each of us resemble Him in our own special way. I don’t know if this is true – but what if it is…that would be something!

To end – I heard this scripture Sunday in church, and it brought my heart back to life – the medicine I needed for this mid-life crisis of mine…Job 42:12 “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part”. There is hope – there is time – everything has and will happen right on time – in His perfect timing.

Seeds – deeply buried in my soul

On By kelleydgardnerIn freedom, healing, hope, Jesus, LoveLeave a comment
Walter Archie Carter 1/6/1938-4/12/1979

Seeds of love, seeds of beauty, seeds of wholeness, seeds of your voice, seeds of your adoration, seeds of your delight…you’ve instilled in me all of these things…enough for them to last my lifetime without you being here with me…you’ve instilled these things in me so that I would be able to love with my whole heart and give away all of the beautiful things that you have given to me. No one should feel alone. No one should feel hopeless. No one should feel sad. No one should feel empty. That isn’t what was or is meant to be.

Yet I’ve carried this stillness filled with emptiness for all of these years – 40 to be exact…it was only today that I realized that I feel loved in portions but not in whole. That’s not the truth. The truth is that in 8 short years, you gave me EVERYTHING – all of your heart, all of your love, and it is only today that I find all of those things buried in my soul…those seeds have blossomed but I couldn’t see the blooms until today.

No more emptiness. No more deep sadness. Only a beautiful field covered in sunlight with a brightness and fragrance that would take anyone’s breath away. You were my gift, and you will always be my gift! I miss you so much and love you even more than you could ever fathom…even after 40 years of not being with you! Loving you with all that I am – for eternity!