Hallelujah Moments

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This is one of those posts that makes my heart weighted.  I’ve had it saved as a draft for several days because I knew I needed to have the emotional capacity to write it…not so much because it’s painful to write, but more so because this Hallelujah Moment I refer to is so pivotal – at least it was for me.  Maybe not everyone has one of these moments…maybe that’s something to be thankful for…each of our journeys is different because we are all unique with a unique purpose.  I love reflecting on this moment in my life – not the painful thing that caused it, but rather the raw and vulnerable moment with God that brought me to my knees at His feet in tears…my Mary of Bethany moment (John 12:3).

Have you ever experienced something in your life that makes you feel like your choices  altered the course of it and even altered your heart to the very core?  I’ve already blogged about that particular incident in my life (Buried But Never Forgotten), so I won’t rehash all of those details.  My hallelujah moment was many years later after much healing – after so many layers had been peeled back, and I was finally able to see the truth.  It was in that moment that I broke down into hysterical tears and wept and wept and wept…the beauty of it was that I wept at the feet of my Savior and my greatest Love while He stroked my hair.  I was finally able to look at Him and tell Him how sorry I was that I ran from Him because of shame instead of running to Him to make it right.  I felt like I had turned my back on not just myself and my values, but like I had forsaken Him and let Him down beyond repair.  It was a clear plot of Satan, as it usually is…he feels threatened so he tries his hardest to separate us from God…but those that love God with the deepest love can always find their way back to Him.  He is always there waiting with the most tender eyes and  loving arms – no anger just enormous love.

It was so freeing for me to tell Him how sorry I was for breaking His heart – it was so freeing for me to tell Him how heartbroken I was.  It was the most beautiful, healing moment.  I think the most healing thing of all was standing on the truth, cradled in His arms, reveling in His love…our hearts united at the deepest level knowing that they could never be pulled apart again.  Do you know how much our heavenly Father adores it when we go running to Him full speed ahead, unstoppable until we are in His arms?  He longs for that.  He longs for us to shower Him with our love.  Our love makes His eyes dance.  Our love makes His heart sing.  There is no moment that can possibly be more intimate.  This hallelujah moment puts you back on course – leaving that thing that took you off course at the foot of the cross while you take your Love’s hand and continue your resurrection journey.

There are several references to this hallelujah moment in the Bible – the two that stand out to me the most are Samson and David. It was the story of Samson that made me have this revelation…how he lost his power when he let Delilah shave his head(Judges 16:18).  My power was my heart and being able to love without abandon…I let someone take that from me, and it was indeed heartbreaking and had lots of consequences, but it didn’t make God love me any less – and in the end it made me love Him so much more.  My favorite hallelujah moment in the Bible was when David realized that he had sinned against the Lord with Bathsheba (2 Samuel 12).  I love David’s heart.  I’ve always loved his heart!  He loved God so much!  He was so quick, once he recognized the truth, to fall on his knees and weep before the Lord for betraying Him.

I pray that if you have something in your life that altered your heart, you will have your very own hallelujah moment – I pray you will find Him because He is waiting for you with more love than you could ever fathom.  I pray that this moment will set you back on course to experience life in your rightful place – you are His Beloved – Prince/Princess – Son/Daughter of a King.  You were created for a wonderful and significant purpose – it’s time to walk in that while your proud Daddy’s heart beats in tune with yours to the melody of His love!

 

 

 

 

 

For my Sweetheart – Happy 11th Anniversary!

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Today (July 23, 2016) is my 11th wedding anniversary.  I opted to blog rather than buy a Hallmark – after all, my husband deserves the spotlight!

I guess everyone always says the same thing – I can’t believe it has been 11 years, and I can’t believe it has ONLY been 11 years.  It’s so hard to remember me before him…honestly, I like the me WITH him so much more (God played a big part in that)!

I met this incredible man in church.  I quickly developed a huge crush on him (which I totally hid as if my life depended on it).  I was drawn to him (not because I thought he was hot – even though I did think that) but more because he had the most gentle and sweetest spirit.  He had a laugh that was contagious – it lit up not only his whole face but the entire room as well.  He was intelligent.  He had himself together – already owned a house and had begun a wonderful career as a teacher.  I was very impressed…and I was very smitten too!

He asked me out, and to make a short story even shorter, we were married a little less than 7 months later.  Ecclesiastes 3 pretty much sums up the past 11 years: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…  Together we have experienced weeping, laughing, mourning and dancing.  I hold in my heart all of these things…I wouldn’t change a thing.  Even through the most painful times, Chuck was there for me and held my heart like no one other than God could have.  He has let me cry with my face buried in his chest countless times, and his soothing and loving touch nursed my heart back to health.  He lets me dance through the grocery store isles when I hear a song I love (uncontrollable urge on my part), and he loves me even more for doing it.

I love that with him I am raw and vulnerable.  I love that I know how much he loves me always – even when we disagree…it’s an unconditional love like I’ve never known.  I love that when I’m upset, he immediately prays for me out loud on the spot with such passion and fervor.  I love his strength.  I love his passion.  I love his fight.  I love his dedication and loyalty.  I love his heart.

I’m so glad I waited for God’s best for me (even when I really didn’t want to wait).  Chuck is the perfect man for me, and I’m so blessed that He was God’s choice for me (I prayed for God to arrange my marriage).  I would marry him over and over and over again.  I truly love him more with each passing day.  I respect him more with each passing day.  I’m more thankful for him with each passing day.  I’m more in awe of God for bringing me him each passing day.  I’m so proud to be his wife.  I’m so proud of him – proud of the choices he makes, proud that he lets God lead him, proud of his noble character, proud of the man he is, period!

Happy Anniversary my Love!  You are the greatest love I’ve ever known!   This journey has been incredible, and I love that I get to walk out the rest of my days with you! I’m excited for each and every day of our lives together – love you always, your girl

 

Do you love me?

Imagine Jesus asking you this question – Do you love me?   Pause for a moment and think about how it makes  you feel.  Jesus asked Peter in John 21:15 if he loves Him.  He asked him 3 times in fact.  Peter’s response makes me think he was disappointed that Jesus asked him this – how could He ask such a thing when He knows everything – He knew that Peter loved him.

I tell Jesus I love Him all of the time, and I truly do with all of my heart.  I never realized that while I know Jesus loves me, I felt that I blended in with everyone else that He loves – nothing special to see here.  I’ve struggled for decades with feeling invisible.  When I read these words – I knew that Jesus was asking ME personally if I love Him?  In an instant that question healed a 30-something year old wound in me – the wound that told me that I am invisible.

That question made me feel singled out.  It made me feel the intense gaze of the greatest love I have ever known.  Wow – He sees me.  There was no blending in at that moment – truthfully, I didn’t want to blend in.  His loving gaze captured my heart and took my breath away.  I just wanted to stay there in that moment lost in His eyes forever.

I share this because I want you to have this moment with Him…I want you to know that He SEES you.  His eyes and His heart are fixed on you!  There is so much love and beauty in this.  This kind of intimacy is life changing.  You are His beloved – revel in the romance of that always!