This title kind of makes me giggle, yet I’m very serious about the topic…I’m 49 – I will definitely have a long life if I’m mid-life right now (and I hope I do).
I haven’t struggled with any age in the past – I’ve embraced each decade with vigor and an appreciation for my wisdom. For some reason 49 has really bothered me. I wondered if 50 might bother me, and I’ll let you know when I get there…but I never expected to feel this way at 49.
I’m not having a mid-life crisis in the normal sense….or maybe it is only men that buy sports cars…I did color my hair platinum blonde a year+ ago (not my best idea)…maybe that was part of this crisis…
In all seriousness – my crisis is more about feeling like my life hasn’t had meaning and purpose. I know I have a God given purpose, but I surely don’t feel like I’ve been progressing towards that. I’ve truly been so buried in work for the past year and several months that I have totally lost sight of my purpose…mainly meaning I haven’t had the emotional bandwidth to write or pray like I should…I haven’t spent time with Jesus like I should….mainly because that is so emotional for me (the best kind of emotional ever), and I think subconsciously I knew if I stopped and crawled into His arms, that would be all she wrote…I couldn’t lose sight of all of my other obligations, so instead I lost sight of my first Love and myself.
I’m starting to come up for air now as the holidays approach. I have more staff to help me and more on the way, so I hope to end 49 with accomplishments that speak to my heart and point to Jesus! I’m trying to give more things to God rather than continuing to tightly grasp everything and plunge forward like a stick of dynamite is chasing me.
My heart is for ministry, and that is my long term goal and how I want my life to end. Jesus presses on my heart that the “sick need a doctor”. People that are unsaved need to know Jesus…but it doesn’t end there…that is truly the beginning of a different race – the race to know ourselves in Jesus – the race to know who we truly are underneath all of the false identities that life has thrown at us – and that we so easily picked up and carried. I want to be the one to nurture people back to health – spiritual and emotional health. I want people to be free and light and airy – to walk through this life in the glory of who God created them to be – free to fulfill their very own purpose.
I heard somewhere this week that God created each of us with something that is unique to only Him and us – that each of us resemble Him in our own special way. I don’t know if this is true – but what if it is…that would be something!
To end – I heard this scripture Sunday in church, and it brought my heart back to life – the medicine I needed for this mid-life crisis of mine…Job 42:12 “The Lord blessed the latter part of Job’s life more than the former part”. There is hope – there is time – everything has and will happen right on time – in His perfect timing.